Artist Statement
My current work is an installation that considers all the emotions and strain that a misogynistic, harmful and ancient religion can have on a woman, especially individuals who have survived sexual trauma. The ceramic figures are manifestations of the emotional state of these women. They have been stripped of their identity, sexuality and autonomy. They have become the embodiment of many physical punishments unleashed onto women in the Bible. They are bald like the women of Zion, they’re genitalia exposed like the women of Jerusalem and they are dismembered like the Levite’s Wife. But they can still hold up their most precious purpose of having children. They have become iterations of the same woman, each moment different, but feeling the same. Some feel almost defiant in their stance, but frightened underneath. Others feel a strange sense of complacency; others feel almost enveloped in fear and shame.
The formal decisions for the figures were decided to create a visual representation of the limiting nature of the Catholic Church and the Catholic faith. The figures were removed of their arms in a manner that resembles a supernatural effect. The slices along the torso suggest these figures cannot defend themselves. They are controlled by an outside force that does not allow them to defend or protect themselves. This is a representation of a loss of autonomy or agency. Without the means to protect or defend through the use of their arms, they are at will of those around them, constantly in need of assistance and at risk of manipulation.
The figures together feel like a woman trapped within a mindset she cannot mentally or emotionally break herself of. There is a tension of desire, both for her own sexual needs, but also for a spiritual fulfillment. The religion she has known does not allow for both. She must choose and mourn the death of the other. This tension is created by using pose references from pornography and popular culture melded with expressions that covey awe or fear, also referred to as piety.
White was a very deliberate choice for this work. Shadows cast so perfectly against a clean white surface, but white also carries an abundance of emotional weight. White is connected to the pure, to clean, and to new. White is connected to virginity and perfection. But white is nearly impossible to keep pure and untainted. It was the perfect color to use to create a sense of need to protect and a fear of causing any imperfection. White surfaces are a metaphor for trying to control women’s bodies and behavior. Using white becomes a parody of the stories told to teenage girls about how they are perfect until they have sex, done by comparing them to depetaled flowers, tape that’s lost its stickiness, or gum that has already been chewed. White is another metaphor for perfection that cannot be upheld and is deeply harmful to women.
The red plexiglass helps to aid in that harm, it brings the figures back to reality. Red is an equally impactful color. It is aggressive and strong. It can be a symbol of the most intense passion and also the most violent rage. It is the extremes of emotions. It can mean life through blood, but also death. In Catholicism red is used to decorate the church during the time of Christmas. It is a celebration of Jesus’s birth, but also a subtle reminder of his violent death. Red is also a contention of shame for some women. Red can be menstruation blood, which is considered impure and shameful in the Bible, but life, which is the most important thing a woman can provide, cannot happen without this blood.
For me, the blending of these two colors and the shadows is a representation of growing up as a woman in the Catholic faith. I was meant to be pure; virginity pledges were expected and honored. But it was impossible to feel pure when I had already experienced a sexual trauma. The red becomes a representation of growing up and being trained in shame. It is a looming presence I continue to experience. I learned to conceal my body, to be ashamed of it and control it to protect others. Within the installation of the work, the red and the shadows affect the white surfaces. The red and the shadows make the white impure. For me, these moments of pink and shadows are the contamination the church has had on my self-image and self-worth. They are the beginning of an understanding of self and self-care in recognizing toxic rhetoric in one’s life.